


Finding Hapiness

by ColdAtomHeadcanons



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: ColdAtom Secret Santa, Len is a teacher, M/M, surprisingly he's a good one, they are both single parents, tiny hit of Star Trek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:32:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9093676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdAtomHeadcanons/pseuds/ColdAtomHeadcanons
Summary: “The science station Miss Loring was visiting was attack by a Klingon ship.” Ray can feel his heart stopping in his chest and he shakes his head. No. No, whatever Rip’s going to tell him, Ray doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to – “She didn’t make it.”Ray’s not sure if it’s the ship falling apart or if it’s him. His eyes are burning and the vision of Rip starts swimming. He shakes his head, trying to wake up from the dream, before hiding his face in his hands.“That’s not all.” Rip says quietly, walking over and touching Ray’s shoulder. “She has a son. He’s five years old. His name is Leo and in her last will, she asks you to take care of him.”The hands drop down in an instant and Ray stares up at Rip.Five years old. Anna asking him to take care of the kid.… Ray has a son. Ray has a son, who just lost his mother.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arrowsshootyouforwards](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowsshootyouforwards/gifts).



> My work for the Coldatom Secret Santa :D Enjoy :D

Joining the Starfleet is all Ray expected and all he didn’t. All in all, as he stands on the bridge it feels like the right decision. He smiles as he listens to the Captain explain the mission – it’s nothing bit, not yet, the ship is full of new people, but it’s a real two years long adventure and Ray’s heart is thudding in his chest as he watches the ship pull away from the dock, before speeding off into the further corner of the galaxy. His eyes don’t stray to the Earth, he wouldn’t be able to see the person he wants to anyway.

The two years old mission turns into three, three turns into five and five into six. Not that Ray minds too much. Being on the ship and discovering new galaxies, finding new worlds and being able to make contact with new races is as exciting as he always imagined. He forgets about his old life, about his broken heart.

At least until the message comes. Ray still remembers it as if it was yesterday.

The dwarf star they discovered was responding better than any of them thought and Ray couldn’t keep the big smile from his face when Captain Hunter stepped inside the lab.

“You would not  _believe_  what we can do with this thing, Captain. Forget the alloys we’re using for the ships. If we get enough of this, we can change the space travel for the better. Maybe we can get enough of it, we can get some to the Vulcans, maybe then they would feel better about the cooperation with the Academy and Starfleet itself.” He knows he’s rambling, but there’s excitement bubbling under his skin, making him feel giddy.

Rip’s not smiling though, not even the smile stuck somewhere in between confused and amused. He’s frowning instead. Ray swallows and runs his mind over the things he was supposed to do before coming to play around with the star. He’s sure he finished all the Starfleet projects on time and even send the needed paperwork for the dwarf star study.

There’s only one time when Rip looked even a bit similar to this and Ray suddenly fights the need to throw himself over the dwarf star to  _shield_  it from Rip’s thoughts.

“No.” He says, standing between Rip and the star, hiding it behind his frame. “We’re  _not_  giving this to Enterprise as well! They already took all the interesting stuff from that big mission, you can’t take this from me as well!”

‘That big mission’ means the first mission Ray was on, right after he joined as seventeen years old boy. He grew up since then, as both, human being and an officer and now he has proper means to change the opinion of the higher ups, not just getting Nate and pouting at Rip together, until he either gave up, or told them off.

“Ray…” Rip whispers, the sound so small, quiet and  _sad_  that fear suddenly grips at Ray’s heart and he forgets all about the dwarf star. He has no idea what could’ve happened, but the last time Rip sounded like that, it was to tell Sara about her sister. Ray’s  _terrified_. “It’s not about the dwarf star. We got a call.”

A call is never anything good. Ray swallows and sits down when Rip motions for him to.

“It’s Miss Loring.”

“Anna?” Ray’s eyes widen. Anna, the nicest woman, no, nicest person he ever met. Anna, his crush in the academy that ended up in few wonderful months. Anna who made him think about giving up his Starfeelt dream, who told him not to be foolish. Anna, who broke up with him, just so Ray wouldn’t have a reason to stay back. Sweet, warm Anna, that was still around, writing to Ray as often as she could.

“What’s with Anna?” Ray asks, his voice shaky and he prays to all the gods, human or any other’s race, that he’s wrong. That the sad look on Rip’s face doesn’t mean anything. That what he fears isn’t true.

“The science station Miss Loring was visiting was attack by a Klingon ship.” Ray can feel his heart stopping in his chest and he shakes his head. No. No, whatever Rip’s going to tell him, Ray doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to – “She didn’t make it.”

Ray’s not sure if it’s the ship falling apart or if it’s him. His eyes are burning and the vision of Rip starts swimming. He shakes his head, trying to wake up from the dream, before hiding his face in his hands.

“That’s not all.” Rip says quietly, walking over and touching Ray’s shoulder. “She has a son. He’s five years old. His name is Leo and in her last will, she asks you to take care of him.”

The hands drop down in an instant and Ray stares up at Rip.

Five years old. Anna asking him to take care of the kid.

… Ray has a son. Ray has a son, who just lost his mother.

“I already asked for your leave. The Waverider is on course to Earth.” Rip adds and Ray nods, thankful. As he is right now, he wouldn’t follow the right procedures, he is sure.

* * *

 

The kid is small for his age, looks even smaller huddled in the big chair in the waiting room and Ray can feel his heart break. He’s not even sure if he says anything as he kneels in front of the boy, pulling him in his arms, hugging him closely and asking him if he wants to come with Ray, promising to take care of him, and promising him a family.

He’s crying, he knows, and Leo is crying as well, his little hands clutching at Ray’s Starfleet uniform. The two of them ignore everyone in their shared grief, trying to find comfort in the other person that loved Anna just as much as they did.

* * *

 

Living with Leo… is different. There’s a lot Ray’s not used to, and first months are painful. Not because Leo’s not the most amazing kid in the world – he is. He has his mother’s face, the good heart and Ray’s sure his smile is hers too. Only Ray never sees him smile and he worries. Because not only he doesn’t smile and the most Ray has heard him say so far were two short sentences in a row.

At first, he’s sure it’s the grief. He knows he feels like breaking up all the time, trying to keep it together only for Leo’s sake. He quits his job on the Waverider, even though it breaks his heart, and plans to research from home, when he’ll have more time. When they’ll hearts will be more healed. Only half a year in nothing changes, Leo is still his usual quiet self, playing in his room by his own.

“I worry.” Ray says while he’s on the call and bites his lip. “Kids in his age aren’t supposed to be like that.”

“Weren’t you like that as well?” Felicity asks, always the voice of reason, even when Ray’s panicking. “Also he went through a trauma. You can’t expect everything to be alright. It’s his mother, you know.”  

Ray knows. He knows very well, because there are the days where Leo sits by the window, staring outside as if waiting for something. When Ray asks Leo’s nanny (one that is still around sometimes because the doctors said it would be better for the kid to have some kind of the old routine still) she tells him, it’s those days Leo used to wait for his mother and they went out together.

“Ray, you’re doing a great job with him.” Felicity says, dragging his attention back to present. “He’s lucky to have you. Some people wouldn’t bother. They’d put him to the orphanage so they could return to their own lives. You try so  _hard_  with him. He sees that.”

“You think so?” There’s hope in Ray’s voice as he looks at Felicity who smiles.

“Of course he does Ray. Just give him time. Kids are better than adults they can jump back from anything as long as they have enough time. There’s not grief in the world that wouldn’t hurt less with that.” Felicity is right of course. She always is, and Ray doesn’t feel good, but he feels a bit better. He nods and opens his mouth. But Felicity’s eyes aren’t focused on him anymore, instead they fly over the camera and Ray had enough of video calls like that himself to know what it means.

“It’s fine. Go make sure that Oliver’s still in one piece and that he didn’t mess up the possibility of interdimensional treaty or something.” He grins, waving his hand. Felicity hesitates, but then she sighs and nods.

“I’ll talk to you soon, Ray, alright? Take care. I’m still looking to meeting Leo in person. Let me know what kind of toys he likes so I can bribe him. Not that I’m planning to, but you know-“ Felicity rolls her eyes. “Yes! I’m coming!” She yells to the what Ray guesses is hallway and turns to him one more time. “I’ll call you. And you’re required of making fun of Oliver with me about whatever thing just happened.” She adds, spares Ray a smile, before the screen blinks black once again.

Ray sighs, before standing up and walking to the kitchen, just to be met with the sigh of Leo standing near the window, his hand pressed against the cold glass and tears rolling down his cheeks. Ray knows he shouldn’t. He knows what the doctors said about habits, but Leo’s expression is so heartbreaking, that Ray picks up the keys from the stand. He walks over, kneeling in front of the boy and touching his hand, pulling him so he would face Ray.

Ray can feel his own eyes growing wet when Leo sniffles, but he blinks the tears back as he lifts his hand, brushing the tear stains from Leo’s cheeks with his thumb.

“Do you want to go out shopping with me?” he asks, his hand warm against Leo’s neck and waits. It’s not his decision. It’s Leo’s and whatever the boy wants, he’ll get. If he wants to be alone here, Ray’s going to accept that. But if they can make their own habits, ones that wouldn’t be so different from the ones he had with his mom, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

The kid is staring at him, the eyes big and wide and still  _so_ watery, but then he nods, small, hesitant and barely there. But it still makes Ray smile big enough for both of them and Ray nods himself. His hand slips from Leo’s neck to his hand and he leads him to the door.

“You can get dressed yourself?” He asks and when Leo nods he smiles. “You’re wonderful boy. So smart. I’m so proud.” Ray’s sure that’s not enough.  _Ray_  is not Leo’s mother, he can’t ever be enough, but he’s going to try with all he has at least.

The shopping is better than Ray expects. Leo still doesn’t talk too much, but there’s a moment when he takes and squeezes Ray’s hand on his own accord. When they are coming home there’s the tiniest of smiles on his face as well. Ray takes it as success.

* * *

 

Ray spends all of his time with Leo, and he’s sure the kid’s getting better. At least when it comes to Ray. When it comes to talking to, or being around other people, he’s not doing that much progress. He’s still sitting as far from everyone as he can without getting too much attention. He plays by himself even outside on the playground and Ray’s worried. Especially because Leo’s supposed to be starting the school this year. Felicity tells him to calm down when she meets Ray and Leo with Oliver, that that’s exactly what Leo needs and that he’ll fit right in.

Ray is not so sure, especially when he watches Leo stuck between embarrassed and uncomfortable as Oliver hands him the biggest stuffed bear Ray has ever seen (not needing to bribe Leo, yeah sure). That doesn’t help too much though, and when the big day finally comes, Ray’s trembling and feeling nauseous and he’s sure he’s more nervous than Leo himself is. But he wants Leo to have a good time, to think back at school fondly, not feel like he doesn’t make a difference.

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” Ray asks as he’s kneeling in front of Leo. Leo is looking around, his eyes round and scared like Ray didn’t see them in a while and he takes a step closer to Ray, but he still nods like the brave little boy he is. Ray wants to feel proud, but all he can think about is that maybe he could have Leo one more year home for himself. Maybe he could just say that he came to school late. Or maybe Felicity could hack the files or something. Surely, Ray could find a way to make that work, to push this horrible occasion further down the line. To a date that maybe Leo would be okay. Or at least better.

He half manages to convince himself to kidnap Leo and drag him home, tell the AI to block all windows and pretend they are not home, when he gets a text from Felicity.

‘You’re both strong. Trust yourselves a little.’

Ray sighs and stands up, catching Leo’s hand.

 

“How about I’ll go with you to your classroom? I want to talk to your teacher anyway.” He says with a smile. Maybe if he talks to the teacher about Leo’s problems, she can keep an eye on him and maybe even get him to interact with other kids. Slowly. Carefully. Not forcing him at all.

There are more parents in the classroom, all of them saying goodbye to their kids and getting ready to watch the first lesson from the outside of the class. It’s a good move from the school – parents will be able to be part of the ‘first’ day of school for the little ones, they can see how everything works and it’s calmer for both groups, the adults and children.  

There’s a sweet elderly woman talking to a guy with a daughter and Ray squeezes Leo’s shoulder, before leading him over there.

“Excuse me.” He says smiling bright, hoping for making a great first impression. It the teacher likes him, it can help Leo as well, after all.

The guy glances at him, before he nods to the woman.

“Yes, Mrs. Lance, it’s no problem that Laurel didn’t come with her kid today.” He huffs, and Ray blinks. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s whole room of people that have actually something worthwhile to say.”

Ray’s mouth falls open when the woman stomps off, obviously offended and the guy turns to him.

“At least I hope so.” The guy grumbles and Ray stares. There’s little less he can do, because what is  _this_  supposed to mean?! The guy lifts an eyebrow, waiting and Ray stammers over his own words.

“I- I’m looking for the teacher.”

“Yes, that’s obvious, Mr. Palmer.” The man rolls his eyes, before he pats the girl’s cheek lightly. “Go sit down Annalise.” The girl doesn’t move though, instead she’s staring at Leo like he’s the most interesting little animal she’s ever seen. Leo, on the other hand is moving from one foot to the other, looking at the ground, trying his best to pretend he doesn’t see Annalise’s looks. He’s fooling no one, as the girl grabs Leo’s hand suddenly.

“Come.” She doesn’t ask, she  _commands,_ and then she’s pulling Leo over to the seats before Ray can as much as move. He opens his mouth and turns, but hand on his arms prevents him from doing anything else.

“Leave them. What did you want to talk about?”

Ray turns back to look at the man, the  _teacher_  and finds himself at loss of words. Ray is sure Leo’s teacher is supposed to be a woman. He checked the board several times and there was a woman’s name. Along with the whole ‘Mrs.’ Part. He looks the man up and down. Maybe he shouldn’t judge. Just because someone  _looks_  like a man, doesn’t mean they  _are_ a man and –

“Whatever you’re thinking about stop it.” The guy says before he sighs. “My name is Leonard Snart. I’ll be your son’s teacher for this year in case it’s not clear enough.”

“Wasn’t Mrs. Stein supposed to teach him?” Ray asks, because that’s what the school page said.

“You didn’t check the date on top of the page, did you? That wasn’t update for years now. Mrs. Stein is enjoying her time at home by now.”

 _Oh_. Now that might explain it.

“Did you want to talk about Leo?” Snart asks and Ray blinks again. That’s right. Snart knows Leo’s name and he knew Ray’s own as well.  Suddenly Ray feels horribly unprepared.

“Yes. Uh…” Ray swallows and nods. “I’m just… I wasn’t sure if it would be good idea for him to start the school already, because his mother-“ the words get stuck in Ray’s throat and he frowns. “Anna, she…” The words won’t go out. No matter what Ray does, they feel like a torn in his throat, something painful, but still something that he can’t get rid of. His eyes burn a little and he shakes his head, opening his mouth again.

A hand on his arm stops him. When Ray opens his eyes, Snart’s looking at him, the warm hand contrast to his indifferent expression.

“I’m aware of his grief. In this case, school is the best choice you could make for him. He needs to meet new people. He needs to see his life didn’t stop because of one event, even if it feels like that sometimes.”

Ray frowns, because that’s not what the doctors said, but Snart’s motioning with his head to the desks and when Ray turns, the girl from before – the one that was next to Snart is sitting next to Leo, rambling at him about something, offering him different colored pencils while the other draws. And Leo… Leo doesn’t seem uncomfortable. He seems a bit shocked, but Ray can see him nodding every once in a while. There are even moments when he lifts his head, looks at the girl,  _actually looks_  at her, not just a fleeting glance or pretending he’s not around, but looks, takes the pencil and turns back to his masterpiece.

There’s a dull ache in Ray’s chest that he doesn’t understand at all.

“Annalise can be bad influence though.” Snart huffs. Looking at the children, Ray can’t believe that. Because Annalise seems to be a personal light that fate put in Leo’s way. Ray’s just… thankful.

He can feel the smile pulling at his lips, too wide, too happy and it feels like the stupid tears are back in his eyes, but Ray can’t help it. Something heavy drops from his shoulder and he feels like he can breathe for the first time since that day. There’s still some stress left, he still worries, but there’s so much hope, hope that one little girl brought to both, Leo and Ray that he really can’t help himself.

“Is she your daughter?” He asks, smiling wide at Snart. “She’s really nice.”

The guy is staring at him, a puzzled expression on his face as he looks at Raymond again. There’s something about that expression, something that Ray can’t put his finger on, but he’s not focusing on it too much either. That’s reserved for the joy he feels for his son.

“…she’s adopted.” Snart grumbles, almost offended. Ray blinks, once and again, then he chuckles, and then, before he knows it, he’s flat out laughing.

“That’s not what people usually say when people compliment their children.” Ray manages to gasp out once the snickers cease. Snart’s staring at him, like he never saw a person laugh, then he snorts himself and shrugs.

“To be fair, ‘she’s nice’ aren’t usually the first words people use to describe Annalise.” He drawls, his eyes jumping from Ray to his daughter for half a second, before returning to the man, running up and down over him.

Ray has to fight the need to shiver under the half-lidded gaze. There’s something different in those eyes now than it was few moments before and Ray tries to put his finger on it, but can’t. Way too soon Snart turns away, attention back on the room when the bell rings. The shields come down around the classroom and the parents are teleported outside, where they can still watch their children.

Most parents don’t. The moment they are in the hallway, they either leave – counting on the school to inform them just before the end of the class, give them enough time to come back to pick up (or send someone to pick up) their little ones, or take out their pads, looking through the news. There are very few that are just like Ray – staring at the class, at the way his kid is finally part of something. At the way he perhaps has a chance on friends now, thanks to one little girl.

His eyes stray for a moment and he glances at Snart – whose whole demeanor changes, when he walks between the seats, when he leans down to say something to the kids. There’s a smile too, one that is very different from the smirk Snart had when he was talking to him. Ray has to admit, Snart seems like a good teacher.

* * *

 

Snart _is_ a good teacher, Ray finds out. He’s not sure what class is it, that he picks Leo from, but Leo doesn’t really smile a lot more, but he spends more time around Ray. He sits at the table next to him while Ray works, watches movies with him when Ray asks Leo to. He also starts talking a little bit more and most of his words belong to either whatever exciting things they did at school, or Annalise.

Leo doesn’t mention any more friends, and Ray’s not sure if he does have any other friends, but even if he doesn’t, Ray’s much calmer than he was before.

“Should we ask Mr. Snart and Annalise for a play date then?” Ray asks when Leo’s quiet again and the way his son all but _beams_ at him, tells him it was a good question.

* * *

 

It’s not required for parents to come for more than one class. It’s not done usually, because people get busy and most of them are happy when their kids finally start school. The teleport the school has if one of the newer ones, and the teleport platform is big and is able to transport more people to several places at the same time without a hitch. Most of the adults jump at the chance of normalcy, at the chance to grasp at their own lives again, even if for just few hours. Ray doesn’t remember what is normal anymore, he doesn’t think back to the time before Leo. So he’s one of the few (only one) of the parents that still comes to school an hour before the day ends for his kid.

Ray’s watching the lesson, as always bewitched with the way Len is so _patient_ with children when he does little less than snort at the adults whenever one asks what Len believes to be an unimportant question. With kids, no question can be dumb, it’s just ‘uninformed’. At least that’s what Len said when Ray asked him.

There aren’t many hands in the air, the children are focused on the pads in front of them, some of the tiny tongues sticking out as they move and repeat whatever shape they are working on while Len’s walking between the seats, checking here and there and sometimes stopping, and helping tracing the lines, or offering advice or praise.

When Len stops by Leo’s seat, smiling and his hand slips into Leo’s hair and his kid looks up and _smiles_ at Snart, wide and happy, Ray tells himself his heart doesn’t tremble. When he can’t fool even himself, he pretends it’s the jealousy that his kid is opening up to Len so quickly when it took ages for _him_. It’s that. What else could it be.

Only Ray never heard of jealousy having a happy undertone or making people grin like fools.

The classroom doors open all over the corridor and the kids fly out.

“Ray!” That’s the only warning he gets before Annalise hits him, the impact making him grunt as the little arms close around him. “I’m making daddy adopt you and Leo!” Ray’s heart jumps again and he blinks.

“What?” He asks more confused than anything, and then Len’s already there, Leo’s little hand holding Len’s and Ray’s sure he should get his heart checked, with all this jumping around his chest that it’s doing. That can’t be healthy.

“Raymond.” Single word, almost a _purr_ , and it makes Ray’s throat run dry. Just why? Aren’t _kids_ supposed to be the ones crushing at their teachers? They are. _They_ are supposed to be, not their fathers. Ray knew he was going to do _something_ about this parenting job wrong.

“Len.” Ray smiles, before he takes Annalise’s hand into one of his own, and the other curls around Leo’s fingers. “Leo.” He says in greeting.

Leo nods, his little hand squeezing Ray’s, all warm and wonderful and Ray smiles.

“So. What’s the adopting talk about?” He leans his head to the side, looking at Len as they make their way to the teleport platforms.

“We’re working on the word ‘adoption’. She goes around the whole day, adopting flowers, pens, windows, Leo’s scribbles, and now, apparently also the two of you.” Len rolls his eyes. “I think she got ‘adopting’ and ‘commandeering’ confused.”

Ray snickers at the idea of Annalise just… taking all the stuff she wanted. Then he smiles when he imagines Len’s tired but patient face as he tries to explain (and apparently fails) what adoption means to Annalise.

He’s not thinking that being adopted by those two, wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. He’s not thinking it would be a lot less lonely, and a lot warmer, either.

“We’re coming over to yours.” Len turns to him, once they are standing on the transporter. It’s a question, even if it’s not formed as one, but it’s already part of their little habit. (Ray’s not even sure how long they are doing this. A week? A month? Two? Between work, the school and their play dates the time flies like crazy.)

“Of course.” He nods, the motion familiar already. They get beamed home, Annalise catches Leo’s hand and drags him to Leo’s room to play like always as Ray turns to pick the cookies prepared for the kids – another part of the habit. What is not a part of the habit, is the hand curling around his wrist, preventing him from moving.

Ray’s heart flutters and he turns to Len, his mouth opened in question already. But before a tone can get out, Len’s lips are on his own, warm and wet and _demanding_ , and Ray can feel his knees shaking. But there’s something else too, the hot feeling curling in his stomach and chest and his hands grab at Len’s face, kissing him right back, giving as good as he takes. Len’s hand is leaving a burning trail behind as it moves from his wrist up his arm to his neck and –

“Adults are icky.”

Ray pulls away as if burnt, turns and stares at Annalise, who’s looking at him, before shrugging and taking the plate with cookies from the counter herself, even though she has to get to the tips of her feet.

“Hope none of you has cooties.” She grumbles as she turns and Ray gasps, pointing her way and turning to Len. Len rolls his eyes.

“Well _I_ don’t have any for sure.” When Ray gapes, Len just smirks and leans in, stealing another kiss.

Kissing becomes a new habit. They don’t talk about it, but they kiss a lot. _A lot._

* * *

 

“No.” Ray shakes his head as soon as Len mentions it, as soon as Len asks. He tries to keep his voice down, but he’s not sure how well he manages and he just hopes the kids are watching the cartoons with the volume high enough. “You need my consent for that, and I’m not giving it to you.” He adds, glaring at Len.

“Raymond-“

“Don’t ‘Raymond’ me.” Ray huffs and takes a deep breath. “I’m not… He’s not going to the Star City. He’s not going to the research station and I don’t get why the school even allowed that trip. It’s not safe. We have proof of it not being safe.” He’s rambling he knows, but there’s no way he could allow Leo on a trip like that. No matter what Len says, not matter how many puppy dog eyes Leo shoots Ray’s way. No matter how many times Annalise glares at him during the dinner and holds Leo’s hand pointedly. “I’m not going to risk the life of my child this way, just because, just because-“

“That was _years_ ago, Raymond.” Len says, interrupting Ray. His hands rest on both sides of his face when Ray shakes his head, imprisoning him and forcing him to look at Len. “Our borders moved much further into the space and there’s peace with the Klingon’s. Nothing’s going to happen.” His voice is quiet but firm and there’s something else, something he’s not saying, something Ray’s not sure he wants to hear. He’s going to though, he’s sure, because this is Len. Len always does the things he thinks he should and he might not think he’s wrong, but he sometimes _is_ and-

“I think you should come too.” Len adds and no. _No_. Len’s wrong to ask that of him, he’s wrong to ask him or his son to the place where Anna lost her life, it’s _unfair._ “I think you need to move on. I think you need to see Leo can move on.”

Ray’s hands curl up into fists on his sides.

“What gives you the _right-“_

“I love you.” Len says and Ray’s eyes widen. They don’t… Ray knows how _he_ feels and he hoped that Len felt the same, but they never talk about it. They kiss, they go to bed together when Lisa can keep an eye on the kids (even though it’s not always worth her lecherous comments, wide grins and winks), but they don’t talk about feelings. Len never does and Ray’s not going to push him.

“What?”

“I love you.” Len repeats, the words same as few seconds ago, and Ray can feel his heart beating in his ears. It’s so loud, Ray’s worried that he won’t hear Len’s next words, but he does. “I love you and I can’t watch you being stuck in the past.”

“I cannot forget-“

“I’m not asking you to. I’m not asking you to forget or even to stop grieving. I just want you to move on from stupid regrets. I want you to give yourself a chance. To give us, you, Leo, Annalise, me… a chance.” Len’s starting at him, his eyes hard, but there’s a hint of doubt too and Ray can’t watch that. Ray’s scared. He’s worried he’s going to break to millions of pieces if he goes, if he _sees_ … but he can’t watch Len unsure of them like that.

He gives the tiniest of nods and the fingers on his face tighten for a second. Ray’s not even aware he’s crying, not until Len’s thumbs brush the tears away from his face and Len leans in, pressing a kiss to Ray’s lips in silent thanks.

When Len’s mouth and hands move hot over Ray’s body later that night, Ray can’t be blamed for holding onto the man more than ever before.

* * *

 

“Can I talk to her?” Leo asks, quiet and unsure looking up at Ray. It doesn’t happen often, and the only thing Ray can do is nod. He wants to take a step back, wants to give Leo and the cold dark stone a bit of privacy, but Leo’s hand curls around his fingers, their warmth keeping him in place.

“We’re doing fine, mom.” Leo whispers and Ray bites his lip. “School is fun. Annalise is there. She’s kind even though she colors out of the lines.” He says and Ray smiles. “She beats the other kids for me when they aren’t nice. She always picks my favorite crayons for me too. She never uses blue, always lets me have all of it.” He knows about all of that, of course, Leo told him. Well, Leo told him about the crayons bit, he had to hear the other kids part from Annalise, and while Len just rolled his eyes and repeated his not fighting rules (‘or at least don’t fight so that others can catch you, Annalise’), Ray was so thankful he gave Annalise more cookies that evening.

“Thank you for giving me to daddy.” The kid adds, pulling Ray out of his thoughts and Ray’s sure he can’t breathe. That’s the first time he heard Leo call him _that_ and his heart stopped in his chest and it hurts, and it’s so good and … Ray squeezes Leo’s hand in his own.

“Thank you for sending daddy’s boyfriend too. Mr. Snart is nice too. He showed me your ship the other day. He said you were in…” Leo frowns, looking for the right words. “The fleet of stars. That you found some cures. That you were a hero with the way you were doing.” His voice is breaking and Ray bites his lip, before he pulls Leo in his arms, hugging him closely. Ray can feel the hot tears on his neck as Leo sobs quietly.

“She was a legend, your mom.” Ray whispers. He’s not sure how long they are standing there, Leo clutching at him and Ray hugging him as close as he can without hurting him, when he hears Annalise move.

“Thank you for having such wonderful family, Miss.” She says. Ray can feel Leo turning his head to look at the girl and when Ray looks over himself, he sees Annalise standing tall, her head high up in the air, Len standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders. “You don’t have to worry. I’m going to beat up anyone who even looks wrong at Leo. And my dad is going to do the same for Uncle Ray!”

“…she’s not wrong.” Len mutters, before putting the flowers on the black tombstone.

Ray’s not even sure what he feels anymore. He’s only half aware of reaching over, of grasping Len’s hand and leaning over, of pressing his lips against Len’s. The kiss is little less than a peck, but Ray still hopes it conveys the warmth he feels as he presses against Len’s side and turns to the grave.

“Thank you, Anna.” He whispers. “For everything.”

Len’s arm’s around Ray’s waist as they walk back, Leo still in his arms and Annalise walking next to her father, her hand holding Len’s.

And as they drive home, the kids in the back and Len’s hand warm on Ray’s knee, Ray thinks that maybe he can really move on. With Len and Annalise, with their family… maybe both, Leo and Ray, can find their happiness again.

Maybe they already did. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me at Coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com


End file.
